“My Mom got me my car now? What the hell I didn’t want my car now. I told her not to get it, I wanted it the day of my party. That’s not even the car I wanted. She’s such an idiot. She just ruined everything. She’s ruined my life. The party’s off.”
If this rings a bell in your memory, then you’re going to enjoy what I’m about to tell you. My Super Sweet 16 is coming back to your TV screens and there will be more brats than ever screaming at their parents for buying them the wrong car. Audrey didn’t even want a sixty grand Lexus, god! how could her Mum be so stupid? It’s almost like she did it on purpose to ruin her daughter’s quinceañera…
As Hilary Duff’s lyrics rang true in the opening sequence, “Sweet sixteen/ gonna spread my wings/ sweet sixteen/ it’s my chance to shine/ sweet sixteen/ discovering/ sweet sixteen/ so much more to life/ sweet sixteen”. The show was all about coming of age and being old enough to drive while not quite old enough to legally drink, buy cigarettes, and have sex (in some states) you can forget about gambling for at least another few years, too.
What did the show have going for it that, during the years 2005-2008 meant it had primetime place on MTV with spin-offs in the UK and Canada?
Well, I’d say quite a lot. There were some true gems of episodes that I can still remember to this day. Or maybe shows about teenagers spending their parents’ money sits highly in my estimations.
I mean, some of them literally bought designer cakes that cost more than my rent for a month. Maybe even a couple months. How is it possible to spend 600 quid on a cake? I’d be stealing the cake and trying to post it to my letting agents hoping they’d take the costly sweet treat as good enough payment. “It’s a designer cake don’t you know – specially made. THERE’S REAL SWAROVSKI CRYSTALS ON IT,” I’d shout, as they had me banned from the premises.
The best episodes were when they held ‘auditions’ for people to be in their party. And then the selected few had to either learn some shit dance, or they hired ‘strong guys’ to carry them into the party on some sort of throne so they can look like the prinny they think, and their parents validate, they are.
And remember the girl that got the massive spot the day before her party? Irrelevant to anything I’m saying, but still kind of really fucking hilarious. Although jokes on me, she could afford a special dermatologist where as I’d be stuck with the entire range of Clean & Clear to sort it out whilst definitely not being under control.
But I suppose the main question is: why is it coming back? Is it just that we are so obsessed with ‘how the other half live’ that we want to watch teens about 10 years our younger bitching about getting the wrong diamonds whilst I sit actually considering if there is an actual way I could pay my rent with cake.
A casting company sent out an email earlier in the year about the show’s comeback, looking for anyone celebrating a “Sweet Sixteen, Quinceañera, Debutante Ball, Debut, or any other coming of age milestone event”. They continued, “if it’s going to be lit, we want to know about it.” Even though I’m slightly cringing at them using the word lit without any undertones of sarcasm, perhaps it’s the best word to describe the parties we’ll see when the show returns.
I, for one, will be on tender hooks waiting to see what ridiculous and remarkable teens they find to one-up their predecessors in the party stakes. Because if it’s coming back, it better come back more exaggerated, more overdone and even more extravagant than when it first aired 9 years ago.
If I could apply to throw a super sweet 25, then trust me, I would.
Get Volume #17 here.
Words by Eliza Frost